Emily Levack

With shallowed breaths my lung forgot how to breathe and there was a heaviness that made it seem as though I was being buried alive. I could bring small amounts of air in, but it would soon dissipate once ready for exhale. I lost my sense of what it meant to be alive. Every morning I woke up with the thought of death. It lingered as time quickly passed by, making it even more difficult to inhale. Although the Earth continued to turn and the seasons changed, I was left with a relapse of depression and the deterioration of mind and body that followed. Even though I have attempted to stitch myself back together, I am unable to fully return to the life I once had. Within this, there is a poignancy in the beauty of this deterioration that brings to light the lowest points of the human psyche. 

 

Within this small book of lumen prints, Deterioration represents the weight of depression and the loss of self that follows. These prints were placed outside, drenched in water and rain, stomped on, and buried for hours. They were disregarded and left out to suffer just as I had forgotten to care for myself. There is a depression line, threaded with hair that had fallen out during this relapse. There is no end to it, since once reaching the lowest point, the effects of depression will always linger. These lumen prints represent the human psyche; abruptly altered by mental illness and held together with loose thread. Deterioration is the weight, the damage, and the misery that comes after a relapse of depression. 

 

Within mortality, I have made a home. As I walk the halls, I find myself entrapped in a disarray of confusion, paranoia, and fear. These thoughts are endless and lingering as if time is continuously repeating. I have made a place here, to rest and to await death. This place is not filled with comfort but rather irrational thoughts that propel me further into this idea of death. Here I sit, waiting endlessly, entirely filled with grief and delusions. No longer am I present within life, but deeply embedded within mortality. 

 

In this book of van dykes, Ceaseless represents the wait, the confusion, and the uncertainty within life and mortality. These prints were saturated with paranoia and fear. They were tarnished with the bane of death and were left out to suffer as the progression of time no longer existed. This book is continuous, trapped within a constant rotation of time and grief. There is no end, as Ceaseless is the wait for death and the mental disarray that follows. 

 

Emily Levack is currently located in Milwaukee, Wisconsin finishing up her Bachelor of Fine Arts in Art with an Emphasis in Photography and Imaging. Levack has exhibited her analog photography as well as her artist books in a few group shows across the United States including at the Auburn Art Gallery in California and at the Main Street Arts Gallery in New York. Her work includes the use of medium and large format film photography as well as working with various types of alternative processes including lumen prints, cyanotypes, and van dykes. Within her work, Levack utilizes aspects of the landscape in connection to the self. From this connection, she represents emotional or psychological narratives that revolve around themes of depression, death, deterioration, and identity. Within her art making process, she works intuitively, allowing her creativity to access an endless stream of consciousness. Levack approaches each investigation with openness and curiosity, permitting the process to unfold organically.